I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
