Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
