I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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