I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
