I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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