I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Shame - the story of my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
