Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
