How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
