if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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