You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
