This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
