I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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