Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
