I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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