I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
