Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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