i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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