Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
