Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
