You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize