My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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