As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
