This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
