Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
