I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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