Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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