i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
