**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize