And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
