I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
