OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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