i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
