My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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