maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
