This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
