yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
