We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
