we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
