It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
