Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
