Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
