I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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