I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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