I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want to fling myself into the sun
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
