The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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