I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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