There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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