Ketchup is God's man juice
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
