either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
