the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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