So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
