Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
FUCK WHALES
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
