Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
