I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
