i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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