I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
