I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
