does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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