maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize