Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
