You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
