you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
