i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
