Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
