I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize