My liver just broke up with me...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Boobs speak an international language.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
