I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
