was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
