what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
