If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
