$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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