Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Welp...herpes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
