Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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