seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
