I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pooping to opera.
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