dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize