I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
