ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
