you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
