She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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