Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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