Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
