Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think my mom watched the whole time
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
