I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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