I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
