Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
