my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
