You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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