why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize