Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
its not stalking. its research.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
