Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize