Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
