At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
