Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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