why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
