Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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