it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
