If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
