My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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