she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
