the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
