just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
