i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
