FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
