Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
