forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
